Grace and Blogging

Doubtless, no one has cared to follow the history of my blogs. If someone did perchance to glance through that history, they would find it hilarious, and all too human. It all started with brave resolutions, almost limitless excitement, and enthusiastic commitment. The continual evanescence of these sentiments has been the history of my blog. Months of silence inevitably follows spurts of hard work.

So to pick up my digital pen again must seem funny to any observer. "There he goes again, writing about blogging with all his philosophic sham fervor. I wonder if this will last a week."
I feel that in me. It feels huge. I approach with trepidation, not boldness. But I have come to the point were typing seems the best coarse of action. The point is, the only reason I stopped typing was because I have been lazy. I have been a bastard, a sinner, and have let things fall apart. Almost everything in me says to leave it lay that way. "You screwed up, you going to screw up again, so just stop trying." That is the way I have lived much of the past year.

What have I learned? I am learning to trust in God. His grace is bigger than my failures, a lot bigger. It is really hard to trust in God; guilt is hard thing to let him have. It is hard to give up resolution, your will, your pride, and just start trusting God. I think I am beyond resolutions right now. My record agrees, but I am not beyond trust. This is what I have been working through in the past months. I have come to the point where it is okay just to trust God and give him my anxiety, as much as I can. Living for righteousness has never seemed more beautiful.

Right now I am applying my trust in God's grace toward my blog. I have been lazy, now I am going to start working again. I know I probably will fail some time, but that should not stop me from trying. Please don't read this as another one of Ryan's resolutions to be great. Rather read in the history of this blog a story of God's grace working in the life of a sinner. Failure. Failure. Failure. And he is still willing to offer you grace. Trusting in that grace, minute by minute, hour by hour, is the most daunting, thrilling, and rewarding pursuit in life.